Hey everybody. I haven't posted anything in a while and just thought I'd post a little update of what has been going on to show that I'm still alive and kicking. I don't like to seem like I'm moaning and complaining all over the internet because it kind of seems like that since all my updates have been of negative stuff happening and I really wish that wasn't the case but I feel really alone at the minute so I don't want to lose all your support as well. >_< You keep me going strong. x
Basically, I'm back in Ireland (I'm from Northern Ireland originally but moved to London 3 years ago) because my self-fulfilled prophecy came true from my last post. I got evicted. How it happened wasn't what was expected though. Basically one night when I was out I got mugged (probably my fault for walking around with a Prada bag in a dodgier part of London >_<, but my Prada bag was my prized position! T_T). My bag had all my valuables in it, my money, cards, phone, iPod, my passport, house keys, everything! I was left stuck in a part of London and while walking around alone trying to find a way back actually got molested by a random stranger who I'd noticed was taking photos of me from a distance and forced himself kissing me after I confronted him to delete the photos that he was taken. I was saved by someone walking past thankfully and after I explained my situation and seeing how shaken up I was the person was really nice and gave me some change to get a bus home safely. Now I thought my housemates couldn't get any worse, but when I went to the house and rang the doorbell they refused to open it! I heard them all inside when I listened through the letterbox and called in and they didn't answer! I was stuck on the street, went to a nearby friend's house and contacted my landlord. I asked him for a replacement key and explained how my housemates wouldn't let me into the house and they told me to pay my rent first before they'd do anything. (My rent was due the next day). I explained to the landlord that now I had no cards or anything that I needed to get into my room to get some bank documents in order to make a bank transfer to them for the rent so I needed to at least get into the house. They just kept spamming me with "Pay your rent" over and over and then eventually started ignoring my pleas to get into the house I was paying for! I went back to the house again and rang the doorbell over and over until someone answered and was when it was finally opened I was greeted with "What do you want?" I explained my situation about being mugged and having no key and then the housemate responded to me with "That's not my problem. Don't wake me up!" then slammed the door in my face! At this point I was really annoyed by the whole thing (this had spanned over a number of days at this point) so I sent an email to my landlord clearly stating my annoyance and how I was not going to pay any rent until I was allowed back into the house because why should I pay rent for somewhere I don't have any access to? (I think that is reasonable, right?) His response: "Oh you always think you're the victim in all of this! This isn't the first time you've been mugged, clearly there is a reason why you're prone to this happening. You losing your key and ringing the doorbell constantly is causing an inconvenience for everybody else in the house and me as a landlord. I hereby quit and am giving you official notice of eviction. You have 28 days to make other arrangements." ...So I got evicted because it is my fault I was mugged and that I'm totally unreasonable thinking I should be allowed into the house I'm paying for with all my stuff in it... Maybe I'm not understanding the situation clearly but was I really in the wrong?
Anyway, a key was finally made and I got into the house to a letter saying that all my money for rent was cancelled anyway and that instead I owed the council hundreds of pounds in overpayments so I couldn't even have afforded to stay anyway! This totally came out of the blue and the reason stated on the letter for this happening was that I didn't respond to the letter the council had sent me a month prior to this one. I never received any letter from them before, this was all news to me so financially I was screwed again for finding somewhere else to go. I stayed with a friend briefly while trying to work things out and my brother in Ireland said I could stay with him for a while which I am so thankful for because I was afraid I might of had to move back into the tent! However I left Ireland behind for a reason, and I had to leave all my friends in London behind to go back to a place where I didn't have any anymore. Of course I'm aiming to try and go back again someday (hopefully as soon as possible before everyone moves on with their lives and forgets about me over here >_<). It will involve a lot of saving though which I thought would start with my deposit for the last place but when I emailed my landlord about the deposit he said that he didn't evict me (even though I had it in writing), I moved out of my own accord and so forfeited my deposit and instead owe them rent money, money to clean the room and to change the lock on my room door from losing my key. I mean what the hell!? Is it my destiny to be screwed over by every person I ever meet? I can't even do anything about it now because I'm no longer in London so can't even take them to court to get the deposit back so that is them getting away with it while I'm left to suffer.
I could rant about that other stuff all day, but to get to the main point of the post and the thing that hit me hardest is that the day before my trip back to Ireland my other best friend passed away. In London I was best friends with two girls, Cassie and Zak, we were as close as can be; a trio, were always together having fun, supporting each other through everything, always being there for each other no matter what. I've never met anyone more amazing than these two girls in my life. They were extremely intelligent, bubbly, kind, understanding, supportive, never had a bad word to say about anyone even when people treated them badly, everything! They were beautiful people and my soulmates. The first of these passed away in June, and now the second passed away the day before my trip back to Ireland. I couldn't even go to her funeral. I still don't know how to process it, why did this happen? They were both so young and had so much to live for and now I'm completely alone. The last of the trio. I almost am under the illusion that it is some sort of curse. How things happened just seems too unbelievable to be coincidence. I can't help but feel like I may be next. How does one go on when they've lost everything? I just want to cry out to them for support to help me get through all this, but I can't. They are gone. Forever. At least when the first passed I had the other and we supported eachother but now she is gone too. Why did they leave me alone? I'm hurting so much and am now stuck completely alone in a city I hate that represses who I am with no one to talk to and in a situation that I don't know how I'm going to get out of. I just want to be back in London surrounded by friends, cuddled between Cassie and Zak laughing and not having a worry in the world like it used to be. That can never happen, things will never be the same again. The glimmer of hope for this life is burning out.
R.I.P Cassie and Zak. I love you both and I hope we'll be reunited again one day. I'll never forget either of you. <3 xx
Sorry for the super depressive post (again) but when you're only way to organise your thoughts and release some emotion is the internet then posts like this can be unavoidable!
How are things going with all of you? ^^ That is always my favourite part of these posts, getting to read how everyone else is doing and what you are getting up to. It always brightens my day to read when things are going great for people I care about. <3 x